ncpx the hero

Interesting day at work today. Weirdos seemed to be out in full force. Must've been the weather. Either way I'm not complaining. It kept me very much entertained (and confused at the same time...)

Okay so approximately 11 AM I'm standing around at the reception desk just chillin' and watching the news (9 Killed in Alabama School Shooting read the headline, how terrible).
The phone rings.

"Hey there, NCPX speaking =) "

"h--e-p.. m.. st-!"

"Sorry you seem to be breaking up?"

"Ye- hello!?"

So at this point I figure she sounds pretty distressed.

"Yes Hi. I'm stuck in the emergency stairs! :( Level 4 ! Behind the fitness equipment :(! Can you let me out? I've been in here for half an hour :O"

HAHAHAH. Am I terrible for laughing? Because as soon as I agreed to let her out (because I'm a GREAT Samaritan) I cracked the hell up. Because.. why the hell are you in the emergency stairs? God damn...

So anyway I embark on my rescue mission (not without my hunting knife) and then I realise... this place is pretty fuckin' huge. I barely know my way around the dungeons and annals of this joint. So I wing it. I got a woman to rescue - I aint gonna let her die in there! Not on my watch! But then I laughed again because I thought about how funny it would be if things got that drastic. Haha...

I knew of about 3 or 4 emergency doors with a set of stairs in the place. And of course, because Murphy's Law is awesome, she was in the staircase I DIDN'T know about. So it took me an extra 5-8 minutes to rescue the damsel in distress, because I had to go up and down each staircase. And yes, in case you're wondering, I'm now extremely fit, have a 6 pack and am able to wrestle various large reptile species.

So on my way to the hot spot, like a true bad-ass hero, I run through very unlikely scenarios (JUST in case I'm gonna have to blow this motherfucker up). Example -

"Hmm... An innocent sounding ethnic woman in distress is stuck in emergency access stairs that even *I*, an employee, don't know where they are. She couldn't be a contractor...
ALL SIGNS POINT TO TERRORIST."

So my heart starts racing n' shit! I pulled that hunting knife out that I was talking about previously, and I hold that shit SABER GRIP like a pro (none of that serial killer stuff. Michael Myers was a wanker). I'm stealthing that shit to the emergency door.

"Be careful ncpx :(" says some lady, obviously quite aware of the peril I might face, and genuinely concerned for my safety.

"Thanks lady... it's alright I got this shit on
lock."

So I approach the door and I hear a bit of commotion inside. The type of noise that terrorists make when they're up to shit (you know the one?)

So I KICK the damn door open right? THOOMP...

"FREEZE LOSER!"

...
........


Nah that didn't happen like that. But anyway as soon as I get in the door I took a good two minutes of chill time so that I didn't laugh in her face when I opened it - because it was pretty funny. So it took me a good few minutes to get to her... add that onto the already half-hour she'd been in there - thats pretty distressing haha.

So I open the door, with abit of a smile on my face. There she is - a middle-aged European woman - oddly enough seemed to be dress for what seemed like dinner. Definitely not your gym slacks - she had a nice blouse, skirt and a handbag.
And she grilled me like your dad's 6-burner. Straight up.

"LISTEN YOU. YOU HAVE TO PUT A SIGN ON THESE DOORS! OKAY! I'M NOT HAPPY I WAS IN HERE FOR HALF AN HOUR. YOU HAVE TO PUT A SIGN. SAYING THAT PEOPLE SHOULD NOT GO IN HERE. OKAY? GOODNESS ME..." etc. etc. for a couple of minutes.

If I wasn't so amused by the situation I would've flipped. Because... you know.. this place is pretty god damn big. Its like 5000 square meters. You don't just fucking explore the place like it's your house. Especially odd doors next to other odd doors that say "STAFF ONLY" on them...

But anyway. Thats one lady rescued - she can now go home to her family, and tell them of her journeys through the annals of Virgin Active Frenchs Forest, and how a charming man named ncpx totally saved her curious ass.